What Adoption Has Taught Us - Part 1A

As I mentioned in the previous post, I am hoping to do some writing on What Adoption Has Taught Us to commemorate Adoption Awareness month. I hope to cover the following, but it could very well change as the month goes on:

1. Adoption has taught us it is not for the faint of heart (in two parts)
2. What Adoption has taught us about birth parents
3. What Adoption has taught us about us as individuals, as a couple and most importantly, of God
4. What Adoption has taught us about our children

So here we go: Adoption has taught us that it is not for the faint of heart. This was supposed to be just one post, but once I got typing, I couldn't stop!! It became so long! And so I split it into two parts. The first part is that you cannot be faint of heart to endure the process of getting on The List. The second part will cover the fact that you can't be faint of heart to brave The Wait.

Oh, and not only can't you be faint of heart, you can't be a tree activist either - unless you are prepared to replace every tree that was used to make the mountains of paper that was needed for you to adopt.

But seriously, adoption is tough. It is hard work. It's a roller coaster ride like you've never been on before.

I say this not to deter you from pursuing it. I say it to those who think that adoption is such an easy answer for those who would love to have kids, or more kids.

While it may seem like an easy answer, it is far from it. If you want to adopt, you better be prepared to have every square inch of your life examined. And I am not just talking about present day. Oh no, your past and your future will need to be inspected as well.

In order to be seen as "fit to parent", friends, co-workers, ministers, doctors and family members will need to vouch for you.

You will need to have your home inspected to make sure your future child won't get a scratch. Your hot water is checked to make sure it is not too hot; every bottle in your home that has a Cross Bones better be on the very top shelf, locked in there with 3 padlocks (yes, slight exaggeration but it's amazing what all needs a checkmark in order for you home to be approved).

 You will need to lay out how you are going to raise your kids (ha!!! I should look back to see how we answered this. Such an easy question actually to answer - when you don't have kids :o).

You will need to have physicals, police checks, fingerprints done, visit after visit with social workers.

You will need to decide on what you are comfortable with: a child with disabilities and what degree of disability, a different race, a mixed race, open adoption, how open to be with adoption, boy, girl, both, age of the child, circumstances of the child, drugs/alcohol during pregnancy, genetic difficulties, siblings, location, and I am sure I'll think of some more after I post this.

Almost done! Yay! But first, you need to check off 27 hours of training, what is known as P.R.I.D.E. which stands for Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education. And this course is only offered certain times of the year. And fill up very quickly!

All of this is the ride before you are actually on The List.

And then, just when you think you've exhausted everything, including all the pens in your home, you are asked to make a Profile Book. A Profile Book is a book that birth parents will use to choose you to raise their child. You address them in your book, like you are writing them a letter. This book needs to be about yourselves. Have you ever tried to make a book about yourself, knowing that what you put in there could either turn birth parents off, or interest them? In that book, you present yourselves as individuals, as a couple, your interests, your values, your future goals, what you hope for in a relationship with the birth parents. And don't forget to add pictures! But be careful! You don't want to put too much in this book, or too little; or put in old pictures of yourselves or too many posed pictures; or look fake, or be too serious; or be too adventurous, or be too much of a homebody, or, well, I think you get the idea. Basically, it's a book that pretty much makes you feel like you are selling yourself in order to prove that YOU are the ones the birth parents should choose over and above all the other vying adoptive parents. Yeah, a very difficult project to complete.

Here are a few pages from our Profile Book (3 out of 21 pages):

Did I mention yet that all this needs to be done while you continue to live your life normally, working at your job?

What may have seem never-ending, you finally see the bottom page of the 3 foot high paper stack. You sign it and breathe a big sigh of relief. You are approved and now on The List. Yay! Time for celebration!! But then the next day happens, and you begin The Wait. Oh, The Wait. How torturous this time can be. And long. More of this on the next post.