What I mean by 'real' is this: they have feelings. They have emotions. They love. They cry. They laugh. They hurt. They make mistakes. They are not perfect. They are someone's child. They sin. They were created by God. They belong on this earth just as much as you and I do.
I state these things because there are many out there who think differently of birth parents. There can be a stigma out there that birth parents are either prostitutes, teenage moms, druggies or alcoholics. They don't care. They are selfish. They are negligent. They are irresponsible, reckless, and thoughtless. I mean, how else did they end up in the predicament they find themselves in, right? (note sarcastic tone here).
There are many out there who think it is wrong that birth parents place their children for adoption. That to place your child up for adoption is sinful. It is un-natural, i.e. sinful; after all, these children belong with their biological parents for that is the natural way, the way God intended.
Actually, these people are right. To a certain degree. Yes, the natural thing is for children to stay with their own blood, but guess what? Since the fall into sin, nothing is natural anymore! Sin is everywhere and so are the consequences of living in sin.
But if we are going to compare what is un-natural and natural in regards to birth parents, we need to be ready to take a good look at ourselves as well. Because I don't know about you, but I know I can be selfish, negligent, irresponsible, reckless and thoughtless at times as well. The only way to measure ourselves though is not to look around at others, but to use our Biblical mirror, His Word and Law.
Let's take a moment to see what is un-natural in our own lives before we condemn the choice birth parents have made to place their child up for adoption.
Before the Fall into Sin, it was very natural for Adam and Eve to live harmoniously with God. At all times. Do you and I?
It was very natural for Adam and Eve to live together as one. Completely one. Can you imagine marriage without sin?! That's what they had!! Do you and I have a marriage like this?
It was completely natural for Adam and Eve to eat what was given to them.....but not to be gluttons. How's your and my weight? Can we contain ourselves at an "All you can eat" dessert buffet?!
Before the Fall, Adam and Eve never slandered. Or gossiped.
Get this one: it was completely natural for them to walk around, well, au naturel!! All day! Without shame!! How do you feel naked?! (no, please don't answer this one :o)
We do not live in unity with God at all times. It is a constant struggle. This is un-natural. We need His Word and Spirit, as well as the gift of salvation.
I do not live completely in harmony with my husband, never getting upset with him; I am not kind and gentle every moment of the day. I do not always serve with a willing heart. This is un-natural.
I love food. A little too much. I am a glutton when it comes to chocolate, candies or anything salty. I forget that there will be food tomorrow and so eat like this is my last meal. Every meal. This is un-natural.
I have gossiped. And ashamed to confess that I also have slandered. Oh, so un-natural.
And well, I am not going to answer the naked question.
My point is this: what was to be considered 'natural' went by the wayside once sin came into the world. Sin destroyed everything that was considered natural. Nothing is natural anymore! Natural was lost! Since that time, everything is now un-natural. It is not how God created His world. But now, everything, from our relationship with God, our interactions with others, how we treat our bodies (the temple of the Holy Spirit!) physically and sexually, is un-natural.
We are so quick to judge others. But guess what? We are no better than these birth parents!! No, we may not have had to make the choice to place our child for adoption, but when was the last time we did anything natural, like it was before the Fall into Sin?
So before we judge, or make a comment of "well, it's un-natural for the birth parents to give up their babies.", make a mental note of when it was the last time we shoved fast food into our mouth; before we look down on them, let's take a moment to remember the last time we last held a grudge against our spouse/children; before we dismiss birth parents as careless, ponder on when we last spent time in devotions.
Take that time and energy that otherwise would be spent in judging, and use it for prayer. For ourselves and for others. Pray for those who find themselves in a situation due to the consequences of sin, no matter what the sin may be. For sin is sin and we are all guilty of it.
Matthew 7 1-5:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
So, in a nutshell, this is what I mean:
The birth parents we have met are not thoughtless and inconsiderate. In fact, they are sincere, heartfelt, perceptible and mature! Yes, they have chosen adoption as an answer for their predicament, an un-natural thing to do. However, you and I know very well what types of un-natural things we choose for ourselves.
"When they kept on questioning Him (that is Jesus), He straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7.
Birth parents are real. We are real. We are all sinful human beings in need of a Saviour. Pray that others may see this need for a Saviour. And if you believe and know that your sins are forgiven through the work of Jesus our Lord, then fall on your knees out of thankfulness and humbleness for the grace of God that has been extended to you - not because you are so righteous, but because He loves you. You have been given the gift of faith as well as His mercy. So then let us pray for this mercy to flow through us and out to those around us.
How great and awesome it'll be once everything is back to being natural again, everything in perfect harmony! A place where adoption is no longer necessary; where we will live harmoniously with God and others; where we won't pig out or bring others down in our thought and speech. And that time will come when our Saviour comes on the clouds, to take us out of this un-natural state, and bring us to Paradise with Him. Come, Lord Jesus, come!! And thank you, Lord, for this hope we may have.
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